I have heard that a couple of my good friends have finally found
love. Sherry out in Louisana, to which I sparred over her and her
country music way back when she was in Mingles and actually got me to
open that closed mind to check out some country and we became pretty
good friends after that. Well, she has found the man of her dreams and
they'll be getting married sometime next week I do believe.
Congratulations Sherry, and all the best to you.
I've known Becky for about five years as well. She's part of the
Mingles crowd and we gotten together to meet at various Vegas Mingles
parties as well. Looks like she found herself a good guy finally.
Always believers in love and someday trying again when one fails. All
the best to ya Becks, we still luv ya.
As for myself, it's never been easy for me to find anybody. It's
been going on 11 years since I dated anybody in this state and it's been
7 since Isabella.
While people can't live without having somebody around, I have
learned to live on my own without anybody since realtionships are few
and far between here. Oh, I have plutronic friends out there and I do
have more female friends to talk to than guys. But nobody out here
that I forsee in the future to be together with.
I don't know what it takes to have somebody to share life with 24/7
in this era. Last time i had that was back in the mid 90s and it's true
that once the excitement and entertainment wears off, it eventually
comes down to looking at one another and wondering why they're still
here, or I'm still here. As you get older and hitting middle age,
there's simply nobody left around that shares your likes and places to
go see and do. Most of their time, they have to deal with what life
gave them, kids, grandkids, etc etc.
I did go to the mall the other day and see how out of place I am in
today. Hard to believe while growing up we have chances to meet some
other girl or girls from other schools and perhaps take up a
conversation and go there. Nowadays, all you see is teenboppers with
cellphones gluded to their ears yacking away. And you kinda wish for
the old days that all this technology not invented that you probaly get
to talk to somebody better than now.
I suppose somewhere in these 40 plus years, that Miss Right went past
me and I didn't know it till years later. I know there's a girl in my
PR Class at Kirkwood that I ran into at Kitty's that she smiled across
from my table and I was too timid to say anything, only to see her in
tears leaving the place after my failure to say anything. And then the
next weekend after a walk out on the trails decide maybe I should find
her at Kirkwood and try to explain my line of thinking. I'm still
looking for her this day.
As I sit through mountain of stacks of CDs and records that there's
always a price to pay in terms of life. Of making choices. That go way
back to high school in trying to decide to be committed to some girl up
in Michigan that I only seen during summer or perhaps take a chance
with somebody in my social studies class. Or even return to a high
school sweetheart number two after not being so nice when we were dating
together. You gotta be careful when you dump sombody without notice in
high school, they will remember and if and when the time is right to be
together and you get a weak moment, don't think you'll get off easy. In
1989 I did just that, only to get dropped on my head and then getting
pink eye the next day.
In love there are so many obsticiles that get in the way. Kids from a
previous marriage, kids from different dads, a jealous husband, a woman
that can't handle finances and almost cost a good credit rating, been
there done that. When you're alone you tend to think whatever happened
to Leah from Webster City or Michelle from Nevada, school boy crushes
from the second grade. Or even Kindergarden, I remember Donna, she was
kind of a tomboy and she used to chase me around the school yard (if
you wanna get to a Crabb's heart, chase him around the building a few
times and he's yours) and we did some kind of dance recital and when I
held her hand back then, it was very sweaty. I remember in 1980 when
Marion won the Football Championship that I spend the afternoon going to
Crossroads Center and thinking that I have seen her for the first time
in years. We didn't talk, I was up on the top floor, she was on the
bottom and she looked like, well she looked a bit muscular and had short
hair. But for that brief moment the present and the past came together
and went in seperate directions like ships in the night. She might have been a lesbian by that time judging the way that she looked too.
I always wondered about Michelle from Nevada. It's more than forty
years later and I know she doesn't live there anymore or even has a
thought of me. Leah lived down the road from me in Webster City on High
Street (actual name) and she was a year younger and told me one day she
would give me a big kiss. She actually did, got a bunch of other guys
to chase me around and held me till she put a big smack on the Goofy
gloves on my hand. She was a little sparkplug, I'm sure life would have
been interesting had I stayed up there longer.
Which brings me back to the present and where things are at now. I
don't understand where in when we lose it in terms of attraction.
Perhaps I was never that smart, even when the girl at Krackers Records
would always give a wink and smile after each purchase. Or the girl in
PR class who thought the world of me enough to bring herself out to the
open and getting a very shy guy freezing up inside. I think about the
ones that used to be in my life when I get a moment and wondered if
there was anything that could have been changed. Had that been the case
I'm sure I wouldn't be the musical fanatic that i am today had I
decided to take my chance on the Social Studies girl instead of the Girl
from Jackson Michigan who would end up getting pregnant by some other
dude before she even turned 16. I'm sure Janice and I would have stayed
together for the course of this life, she was very committed to
someone, even if we weren't going together. But then again her only
crime in life was trying to impress me to be her one and only. There
was times we had chances, but it just seemed we were doomed to fail,
even when she offered to buy me a ticket on some wacky ride during Fun
Days.
I'm sure she's doing fine down in Texas or whereeve she may be as
well as the girl in PR class. I was really not that type of person to
really settle down with anybody, my second home was the record store.
I'm sure I'm doomed to be the loner crabby old crabb that I used to make
fun of when I was riding my bike down the road and being a brat. I
don't I have given up on love as much as I have given up on even finding
anybody to share a life with. I do not want to hear "someday you'll
find her" anymore, I kinda hoped that would have taken place had I have
been younger. I come to the conclusion that perhaps I'm too wild and
too set in my ways to ever find anybody close enough to settle down
with.
I thought I did found that somebody when she was around and we'd
spend nights making up song titles and discussing music, maybe she found
somebody else a few years ago. So I must live life the way that I have
been for the past thirty years, music and observations and if somebody
out there thinks that it may work out for us, perhaps it might. Broken
hearts are a part of life but one thing I do know is that the sun will
rise again tomorrow and there's always a chance that perhaps somebody
will come around that horizon or at the used bins at HP Books.
The only i can be is to be true to myself and by myself.
And maybe somebody will see that.
