I think I made the right decision in not having children of my own.
A long time ago, it was decided that when I was studying to go into day care work (if you can believe that) that my tenure at St. Wincenous, that the old grouch Ruth Mund took me into her office and said that I wasn't cut out to do day care work, and that I was a bad influence on the children. This was back in 1979 when I was searching for a trade and find some meaning in life outside of hanging at record stores and not getting hired on. What better things to do then try to teach the five year olds the right and wrongs of life eh?
I guess 35 years onward that the kids that I did look after, grew up and lived adults lives. I recall one of the girls Robin Bailey had a crush on me, like typical six years at that time and although we have not seen each other after I got let go, she has somehow lived a full live of her own, with six children and one that passed on. And still lives in the poor part of town but we never crossed paths, anyway this is not about her.
My problem in life that I really held on to my youth more so than any of my friends who went on and got married, had kids of their own, divorced and repeat the process again. My best friend Russ, went through a couple marriages and I recalled in 1991 thereabouts while we were out on the town, that he informed me that he gone too far and gotten somebody knocked up in the process, but he ended up doing the right thing and taking care of his son, even though his ex wife made life a living hell for Russ. But in the process had a beautiful son, to which turned out to be the great son that I always would have loved to have. He has always been great to me when I'd go over to Russ's place and usually run into him at Best Buy and say hello. I don't always put an arm out and acknowledge people but with Russ's son I feel comfortable to do that. In a sea of chaos growing up and having a Mother who made my best friend bald before his time and gray, Matt has turned out very well. He has tattoo on his arm that celebrates his older brother Ben who ended up in a tragic mining accident out in Arizona and sometimes I go out to Lowden and pause for a moment at Ben's grave. I sold Matt my Yamaha drum set very cheap since he wanted to play drums and he still has them although I don't think he plays them all that much anymore. But still Matt is the son that I never had and wished I did.
Like anybody else in life I had chances to be a dad, or at least be a step dad, when I went out with somebody about 20 years ago and she had three boys of varying degree. I think they turned out okay, I haven't anything about them in the news doing bad things so maybe they got some discipline or their Mom raised them good. She did quite a lot of yelling at them from what I recall. But then again I wasn't a great Step Dad either but she reminded me that wasn't my job to discipline, she would do that. Nevertheless we drifted apart and after she found somebody else we said goodbye till I had to pick the car up we cosigned on and beat the repo man by about an hour and saved my credit rating but I never forgave her for being lax on the payments, by then she informed me she kicked the guy she replaced me with for beating on her kids. Which was one reason why I never moved in.
I tried my best to get her boys involved with music and playing it but they just were not into that. They were into NASCAR or breaking things. The youngest Jessie, was part of a one nighter (from somebody else, not me) to which I tried to teach him right or wrong and I think the folks loved him the best, they could spoil him for the time being. But the two older boys would pick on him to the point that he wasn't the bubbly smiling laughing baby but a lot more crying and pouting and throwing things. One night while babysitting him, I told him no a few times and do not throw your cars at anyone, he threw a car at me, in which in lightning fashion I turned around a spank his butt a few times and explained to him that you can't do that, you may hurt somebody in the process. He never did that again. I'm not in favor of sparing the rod and spoiling the child as they say, but when we were growing up, my folks spanked us when we fucked up, simple as that. You don't defy authority like kids do today. Me and my brother had plenty of wars when we were young and most of the time I resented him back then, how dare he come into our private little world of Mom and Dad and me. One thing about my brother, he idolized me back then, like I could do no wrong although I think I turned him off playing in a band, when we goofing off and try to play Garden Party and I'm yelling at him sing it right and after two takes he said the hell with that and stuck with car repairs. But we get along great as we get older, hell he's got the upstairs and I got the basement. Nobody else could put up with us.
Even in high school, I really wanted to have a family of sorts for myself and High School offered a program of Day Care Work that I could learn from experience, and that didn't work since I was 18, I was living kinda second childhood, which didn't work at all. I thought Ruth Mund was full of shit when she said I was a bad influence on the kids but then again she didn't offer any worthy advice outside of don't have any of your own. Bitch.
In this day and age it's hard to teach your children the meaning of right and wrong or responsibility, or earning money to get what you want. In my case, I peddled Penny Savers, a weekly shopping newspaper that payed something like a penny for a house delivered and those GD things were heavy and hard on the neck and I did that for about a year or so until I got bit on the leg by a fucking mutt sometime in 75 I think.
Sometimes, spoiling the child and getting him everything he wanted doesn't work. I know somebody that is in a good marriage, makes good money and gives their son everything he wants, cellphone, computer own IPOD and the end result that the spoiled child ends up wracked out on K2 and getting into trouble, goes in rehab a few times, comes home, behaves for a day or two and then gets back in trouble again. Dumb enough to do stealing, gets confronted by the owner of the house, runs away and then comes back and steals more stuff and gets arrested. If I did that, my parents would disown me, throw me into boot camp and say I'm on my own after so many times.
I know it tears my friends up, after trying to rehabilitate about five times, only to see their son return to his wicked ways, as if nothing ever happened for change. At age 18, he becomes an adult and responsible for his actions and I think this time, the court will not be so lenient, especially when it becomes a felony. I'll never know the deep the hurt that his parents are going through and the sadness that his indifference makes things worse. You don't wish this on anyone. You hope and pray that whatever blessings that you get for children that they make something out of themselves outside of baggy pant wearing, rap loving bastards of young that want the new Iphone or XBOX or the great new thing out there nowadays. And woe to the parents that don't get it for them. As they bitch about how much they hate their parents on Facebook or Twitter or the latest social media outlet. When I was growing up, my parents made me earn to get the next big thing which was Atari at that time and when I broke the joystick in a rage, they made me go pay for a new one, and another one if I threw it against the wall. Thank their lucky stars that the internet wasn't around when I was growing up. It was bad enough for me to deal with bullies in my junior and high school years.
For kids today, it's different. Kids today get bullies on Twitter, Facebook and end up taking their own lives since they couldn't handle that. You can't blame them when nobody to turn to and everybody covers their track if there was bullying going on. Hell, I had to fight back when I got bullied upon during high school but it pisses me off that the one person I never fought back had such a control on me that I'm still full of rage of this douchebag and even if we crossed paths and he was still the same asshole, I guarantee you that he wouldn't be standing today. May it never happen. But then again, you have drugs to contend with, pedophiles, perverts and people trying to peddle drugs, meth and other bullshit. It much more rougher now than ever before.
Sometimes with the right raising, we still have good people out there, but even when those who we thought were raised right starts rebelling and doing K2 and stealing to substain their habit, you wonder what went wrong or did they hang with the wrong crowd. I pray for my friends and I pray for the lost soul son to get his shit together before he either dies of an overdose or becomes the next playmate for Bubba when he goes to prison. He will not enjoy either choice.
But as for Ruth Mund, she had it wrong as always. It wasn't me being bad influence when kids of the day care moved on to be unwed mothers of multiple kids from different daddies, or them texting when they're supposed to be driving and they end up rear ending somebody. Sure there's a possibility that I could have had the model son, the all star QB, or the money making Doctor or Weatherman that my folks figured I would be, but I'm also sure that I could also be subject to a 3 AM call from the police saying that my son is in jail for burglary, drug dealing or even worse things.
No Ruth, it was decided that I wasn't cut out for Day Care after all and that I would wait a while before being a parent. Like that would ever happened. Your injustice and pettyness played a role in a switch of careers and me never being a parent. But I don't hold that against you. Anyway, the Day Care place is no longer around and is the old bitch still alive?
I really don't care.